Share what is going on and if we are able to we will help. The worst thing that can happen if you share is you will find support from people who care and have probably been in similar situations. That is not a bad thing. Hope to hear from you soon.

Hi Maya, I dont really see how any of it is your fault.
You know my advice is going to be try to quit drinking, that will help the depression too. I sympathise with not sleeping I know its hard.
Focus on quitting?

@maya23 1497676 wrote:

i suffer from depression, i havent slept in so long and i just cant stop drinking.

It seems like a lot of alcholics suffer from depression as well. It is kind of one of those which came first the chicken or the egg type question of whether the depression created the alcoholism or the alcoholism created the depression or even if neither caused the other.
Not sleeping goes hand in hand with depression for many people.
Drinking to ease the depression is common. Unfortunately there comes a point in life where even drinking does not ease the depression any longer.
You are not alone with the depression, insomnia, or drinking too much.
I can not say whether you are an alcoholic or not that is something you have to decide for yourself.

i hate it. my lovely, fantastic boyfriend slept with his ex girlfriend last week on my birthday and broke up with me. this thursday i’m moving back to uni.. i physically have no more strength. i havent eaten in ages and im so weak now i can barely move.. unless i have a drink…. earlier (its after midnight in uk), i curled up in my mums arms and just cried.. it’s ALL my fault and im just a mess.

You are not alone in the unmanagibility of your life. This is an excerpt from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 151

For most normal folks, drinking means convivilality, companionship, and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends, and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistend yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt—and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did–then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horseman—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

Unfortunately, many of us have drank to the point that when we finally do seek to stop the insanity of our drinking, we find we have lost ourselves, most of our friends, much of our family, let alone the material things.

There is hope though! Life can change! All we have to do is put one foot in front of the other and it will happen. Unfortunately, for the true alcholic, life does not get better until the drink is put aside. If you have a desire to stop drinking there are many resources to help you do just that. Personally, A.A. works for me.

I would suggest looking in the phone book for alcoholics anonymous and calling their hotline. They will be able to start you on a path.

Keep posting and we will keep being here. Take care. Do remember you are not alone and do not have to do this alone. We are here and glad to walk with you.

There is a difference between the “happiness” that is felt when drinking and the complete and full feeling of happiness that can be felt for no other reason than simply being alive.

I for one thought that drinking made me “happy”, what it did in fact was help me block out the world around me. I finally was able to see it for what it was though and decided that I could no longer live like that. It is a scary place to be, to have drank for so long that we don’t know how to live life without drinking but realize that we can no longer live life drinking. I am thankful that I took a chance and reached out to people who walked me through the early part of my sobriety until I was strong enough to walk on my own.

There is hope and we are all worth it, no matter what we did while drinking. I have known people who have stopped drinking that are from all walks of life, from Senators to hobo’s. The one thing each of us has in common is the desire to stop drinking and not go insane. That is what A.A provided for me.

Cant admit what Maya?

One way to look at it is like a disease, diabetes for instance. The person who has the disease can ward off some of the bad things that can happen such as losing a leg due to infection and help themselves to feel better or they can choose to continue to not eat right, not take their medicine and wonder why things keep getting worse and they still feel bad.

If you are an alcoholic you have a disease. Without treatment it continues to progress. Nothing changes if nothing changes. It will not get better with time unless the drink is put down. There are ways to find a happy, healthy life without alcohol. It has been done by tens of thousands of people.

We may be responsible for the unmanagebility in our lives because we are drinking but it is the disease that is the ultimate culprit. We have to be willing to stop the disease so we can gain our lives back.

The life I have gained through sobriety I would not trade for anything. I have been able to treat my depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, and some of my character flaws. I have been able to develop a romantic long term relationship where I have trust and faith in the person I am with. My picker was so broke when I drank that all I wound up with were untrustworthy, abusive people.

Glad you are here.