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  • #37565

    when i first got sober, my sponsor used to refer to my addiction or “dis-ease” as a little spoiled 4 year old. i understood it right away. not only with the drugs and the behavior i had when i was using, but during sobriety also. everytime something wouldnt go the way i wanted or expected it too, i would hear thae little 4 year old whining and bi*ching in my head. it bothered me and i heard it and let it bring me down for about the first 4 or 5 months of sobriety. i hear this voice today at 18 months, the diffeerence is that i now recognize it and say to myself “thanks for the input, now go play with some toys in the other room”. LOL. sounds crazy im sure, but if your an addict of my type, you know what i mean. its the same voice that would tell me that it was ok to steal money from my grandmas or moms purse, or that i would find a way to pay off the fronts i got for my drugs, or that i was destined to use drugs the rest of my life and that it was ok. this little voice in my head ran my life for a long time, and it was loud and clear. the small voice that would tell me that maybe these things werent such a good idea, now is loud and clear with the work that i have done. i now still hear that 4 year old, but its low and calm, (with a few outbursts) like a calmed best patiently waiting for me to be lured in close enough so that it can grab me and hold on…

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