- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 12, 2015 at 10:16 am#37388AnonymousInactive
After an emotional morning, waking up not feeling to good again, the usual head thing going & odd twicth and creep crawly feeling going in legs and arms, being 59 days sober i had this feeling of why me again and when will this stop, Had tears in my eyes again thinking for F..K SAKE what really is the point of this, i dropped my partner to train station and as i was driving back i thought again thats it, this is driving me F…ing mad i really cant do it anymore i am going back to the so called good old days i was happy drunk. I texted my partner that i couldnt cope with this anymore and thought i have given it my best shot for now, maybe doing it cold turkey, maybe doing it because of fear of illness or me mentally i just aint in the right place to do this at the moment. She replied “well do you think a drink would make things better” i know the answer to this question as we all do as any true alcolholics would, but for me 2 months was all i could give at the moment and felt i needed that feeling of what once was what i would call normal, in my head i truly beleve that i wouldnt have the twitching, creepy crawly feeling, head thing maybe, fear, anxiety, emotional feelings, crying and what ever else my body & mind is dealing with at the moment.
Then after wiping my nose i rang AA helpline and said i needed somebody to talk too, as Steff the only number i got from rooms is away. This lady took my number and got sombody to call me. Half hour pasted and then a call this guy asked for me and said his name was Steven and he was given my number, i almost poured my heart out to him i told him all my worries, symptoms and feelings and he must of listened to me for about 15 mins with his kids going nuts in background, he then told me that beleve it or not and as strange as it sounds all whats happening to you, is you and your body & mind getting better recovering, he said of his first year of sobriety and that he felt the whole left side of his body would go numb (thinking it was a stroke) and after talking to a doctor (of all people) in the rooms he said that the central nervous system can take 18 months to recover with a alcoholic, depending on amount and time spent drinking. He also said ” think of these things like alcolhol saying to you yeah its been 8 weeks but see you still need a drink and i can take these things away for you” makes a little sense to me, Also that alcohol is cunning, baffling, will wait, will always be there and will try to get you when your down. He finished by offering to take me to one of the local meetings (i have been going further into town myself) and said remember take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute for hi to call me on a Saturday morning not knowing me i think he ust be a special person and although he i yet another one that said “trust me it get better in time” i would like to share this and say thank you to Steven.
I dont honestly know if i will drink today, i have no strength mentally or physically anymore and truly beleve i have done my 12 rounds this time and i am on the canvas trying to get up, i have not drank, i have not smoked, i have taken vitimin b and mult Vitmins, i have drank lots of water, i have eaten a lot better, i have excercised, i have been to AA (maybe not as much as could have) and i have tried to be a better person. Yet still i have not have all this bagage i will now call it and none i can get rid of.
I remind myself that i me i am an Alcolholic, not a binge drinker, not a Pi.. Head, not somebody that goes over the top every now and then. I drank for 10 years or more and drank 8 or more pints a Day/Night with ease and i do miss it and have fought 12 brave rounds without any training (cold turkey)
Thanks for taking your time to read.
Robbo and good luck
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.