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  • #42842
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,

    I’m 20 years old and have been taking drugs on and off since I turned 18. (mdma, pills, ketamine, cannabis, speed etc)

    I’ve pretty much been taking everything barring crack, smack and meth.

    At the start my usage was really bad, but after discovering that I somehow passed school and got into uni, I stopped and tried to start fresh.

    When I got to uni however, it didn’t take long for me to fall back into old habits and it was the new drug mephedrone which I sort of became addicted to and ended up having an even worse habit than I did before.

    After somehow passing all of my uni work, I started fresh again over the summer and kept away from all drugs, focusing my mind on work. However my alcohol intake was quite bad from time to time.

    During my 2nd year of uni I have fallen in and out of the old habits again, except not as bad at all. I’m talking twice a month or something, but sometimes once a week.

    So at the moment I still feel out of control.

    When I go out I sometimes drink too much which leads everything to go so fast that before I know it I’m sniffing drugs and haven’t gotten any sleep again.

    Every comedown has me feeling so bad and I really can’t understand why I keep doing this to myself.

    I don’t remember the nights out, it wastes my money, lowers my self esteem, makes me depressed, makes me paranoid.

    I also used to enjoy talking about drugs a lot with other people but now it’s the last thing I ever want to talk about as I don’t like sharing this problem.

    If the cons are so many then why am I doing this to myself?

    I never crave any substance when I am sober, but when I get drunk it’s as if nothing matters, all of my morals go out of the window and I just become the same druggy I was before.

    I really can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed going out.

    I am not enjoying 1 second of the drug taking anymore. It makes me feel like I’m damaging myself and also wasting my time.

    Why can’t I just go out and get a little bit drunk, have a good time and then come home with my friends instead of going off and getting drugs?

    Maybe stopping drinking is the only real answer, but it’s hard not to drink when literally everyone else around me is drunk when I go out.

    Is there any advice you can give me?

    I know it sounds stupid but I don’t want to keep punishing myself for no reason. It’s as if I’m purposely stopping myself from reaching my potential and from having a good time.

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