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    Hi everyone. I haven’t been around for a while and I’m not sure how many old faces are around who might remember me.

    Basically, I have been clean from all opiates for over 6 months (YAY!) This includes a long and drawn out subutex detox. I’ve pretty much been clean from other drugs apart from a big blow out in the Summer which only lasted a few days but nearly cost me my mind. I mean seriously I lost it, after taking a lot of drugs including acid I thought I had lost the ability to function as a human being and needed to die… my friends were trying to calm me down but I thought they were carting me away to some sort of asylum. Frightening stuff but a lesson well and truly learned.

    Aside from that I’ve been getting stronger and stronger with time and am even learning to be less co-dependent and am beginning to stand on my own 2 feet. My only issue is my mind it seems. It seems I can be perfectly happy and then suddenly I get these flashbacks of the way life was and it makes me feel like I’m sinking. It only usually lasts a few minutes at most and then I can put it out of my mind for a while before it happens again. It usually involves thinking back to some incident where I’ve embarrassed myself (when using) or acted inappropriately. I don’t know whether some of it’s related to taking too much acid a few months ago or whether this is something I just need to go through. I just wondered if anyone knows what I’m going on about or ever feels the same? I make myself feel quite sick when my head goes to that place.

    I have talked about this with my councilor. It’s so weird though. It does almost feel like having flashbacks. It can last as little as 10 seconds but I feel like I’m right there again experiencing it all over again. It’s not pleasant.

    Anyway, thanks for reading. Any replies would be much appreciated cus it would be nice to know if this is ‘normal’ (as normal as things get for us lot anyway!)

    Hope everyone is well and doing what they need to do to look after themselves.

    Love Squirty x

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