Well again I drank last night. So day one, day one, day one. Always a day one. I am feeling a bit hopeless. I saw “Rain in Your Heart”, and watching the guy who had many years sober die despite all of that work…. well, I feel there’s no way I won’t end up that way even if I quit so I am almost conceding to the idea of just giving up. Sorry for the bummer of a thread. I feel like there can’t be anyone out there like me, I know that’s not true but maybe because my meds are half of what they used to be the worry machine and sadness comes back a bit stronger. I don’t know. I’m 36, almost 37 and been a near daily binger with just a bit of time and even a few months sober here and there since I was 28. I’m lost.