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    Hello everyone,

    Today I had a slip up. I had 5 beers, and I started feeling proud that I stopped at that. Shortly after I drank, I thought I would try to “moderate” my drinking again, which I have tried many times before, and failed. I was thinking to myself: “you’re not even an alcoholic, your making too much of all of this, you’re only 22 years old anyways”. So, to wake myself up out of this irrational thinking, I decided to write down what my alcoholism has done to me and my life:

    I have crashed and totaled my cars, 4 different times, drunk.
    I have been arrested for being drunk/possessing booze in public.
    I have been involuntarily committed to the mental hospital 3 times, drunk.
    I have lost girlfriends because of alcohol.
    I have lost friends because of alcohol.
    I have dropped out of college 3 different times because of my drinking.
    I have had to medically detox from booze 5 different times in the last 4 years.
    I have self injured when I was drunk.
    I have become abusive to friends/family when I was drunk.
    I have spent over 4 years of my life drinking heavily every day, trying to moderate and failing miserably, binging, or when I was sober, obsessing about alcohol.
    I have put myself in scary, dangerous situations because of alcohol.
    I have lost self respect for myself because of alcohol.
    And I could go on….and this is just a 4 1/2 year span of drinking.

    And to think that I was saying to myself: “hey, you really don’t have a problem. You even stopped at 5 beers today! Go out tomorrow and get some more!”. Indeed, I’ve done this before, and the “moderate” drinking usually about 2 days, and then I drink REALLY heavily and blackout, and usually end up doing very stupid and dangerous things. Writing this list down reassures me that me ever moderating alcohol is like trying to scale a 500 foot sheer cliff without falling off. There is a slim chance I will be able to do it, but if I make the wrong move, I will also fall to my death. Alcoholism is a slippery slope.

    Has this type of thinking ever happened to anyone else? Did you ever think about/write down what alcohol has done to you? Did it help?

    Writing this list down sent me back to reality.

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