- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 26, 2015 at 1:53 pm#37514AnonymousInactive
Well guys, I woke up this morning humbled. The first thought that came to mind was this….Last year at this time, I woke up in a very different bed, in a very different place, physically and mentally. I was a rehab, far from home, in Galax, Virginia. I was scared, lost, and sick. I remember thinking to myself,
“how did I get here?” Then I remembered what got me there…pain pills and cocaine. I was so depressed and didn’t want to live. The past memories…things I’d done, people I’d hurt, guilt and shame that I felt, all because of that pill bottle, pipe, and baggie. I didn’t want to face it, I wanted to run back to the drugs that kept me from feeling.
I remember one day in particular while there, about the third or fouth day, I had refused to go to a group meeting. I was so angry, I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to get high. I called my husband and told him F this, I’m leaving, and even though he begged me not to, I went to my room and packed my bags and sat them on my bed. I went back outside, sat down and smoked a cigarette, thinking about how I was gonna get out of there.
As I sat out there alone, it was kinda foggy, misty and there was a chill in the air, I heard the church bells start to ring from the church that was a block down the road. The bells were playing “Amazing Grace”. I sat there, listening and thinking about the words to that song…”Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Was blind, but now I see.”….So, I sat there and thought about those words…in particular….”saved a wretch like me” I felt a chill go up my spine.
At that moment, I realized that I couldn’t run anymore and that I needed help. I went and unpacked my bags and attended the next group meeting, and an NA meeting that evening. I threw myself into that program and made it for the 27 days that I had left. I learned so much about myself and my addiction. Checking into that rehab and staying saved my life.
So, waking up this morning, one year later is so different than the previous 10 years of mornings where I woke up, reaching for that pill bottle, or that baggie just to be able to get through the day.
I don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t have to be ‘that girl’ anymore.
Nowadays, I wake up early every morning, and before my feet hit the floor, I thank God for not having to depend on a substance to get me out of bed. I wake up feeling good about myself as a person, wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
This year has been full of ups and downs. There were ‘close calls’ and many struggles…but I’ve made it by the grace of God. I know there will still be times of struggle, but I’ve equipped myself with the tools that I need to remain clean. And, I have the support of my family and good friends….and I have the support of all my friends here on 12 Step National Meetings.
Yeah, today is different, because today…………….I’M FREE!
Thank you all so very much, I love you bunches :c033:
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