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    Some of you may know I took up my dream job this month, and moved back with my family, so some may think I am made up about it.
    My partner has now taken to using my alcoholism against me. Every time we argue, she brings it up, ‘well look what I have had to put up with through you and your drinking’, always when she is in the wrong, and if I am not hallucinating her attitude stinks when I’m sober, something has changed and I am not sure if I actually like the girl I have been with for 4 years.
    Anyway, when she shows this side of her I have taken to storming out and heading straight for the nearest drinking hole, getting slaughtered and regretting it the next day as I have to head to work taking a quick shot of brandy before to stop my shakes.

    This is a developing circle and I can only see disaster at the end of it.
    I ask her to leave (as she has moved into my new apartment) and she threatens me with not seeing my daughter. I am accepting her being a bitch because I don’t want to be without my daughter, but for sure she is driving me to drink, and I think deliberately.

    I don’t drink unless she stresses me out, I suppose you could say I am using this as an excuse but really, unless stressed out alcohol is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

    Also my alcoholsm seems to have taken a turn for the more serious, now I am actually out of control, I have no clue what I have done in the morning. Usually I can piece things together, but these days I just have no memory at all. I dunno, maybe because I have moved onto drinking whiskey and rum these days rather than beer, but it’s quite freightening.

    Anyway, I have a feeling my job is on the line over this, and infact I have no motivation for it now and just want to go to bed forever and watch TV and wait until my time comes, crazy, but really how I feel, I am utterly without energy.

    Being alone is not an option, I get suicidal when alone, so what do I do?

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