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- September 10, 2015 at 9:26 pm#37379AnonymousInactive
Yesterday marks 2-1/2 years since I walked away from that evil demon, crack. Just a few days earlier, was my 5 month anniversary off of cigarettes. I am truly amazed at myself on both accounts.
Most of you know I follow my own little recovery program. I don’t go to meetings, though I did way back when I was abusing opiates and I still use what I learned from those meetings. I DO have a lot of support, though, and I think that is truly what is important. I, absolutely, could not stay clean if I had to do it on my own, and I need the ES&H of other recovering addicts.
When I got clean, I just KNEW that I would be able to get my life together and I’d be back to making good money, living on my own, etc. in no time. Instead, I am working 2 jobs, both of which business has taken a drastic nosedive; I am still living with dad/stepmom and 16-year-old niece; and I am making less money than I think I have ever made since I was probably 16 years old.
There is a ton of stress at work and at home. I’m a codie (codependent) and I’ve been working on that as long as I’ve been working recovery from addiction. This is a good thing..otherwise I would have headed for the ‘hood and crack a long time ago.
I get frustrated, I vent, and then I try to get over it. The reason I’m saying all this is that recovery doesn’t mean life gets easy. Depending on what we did in our using time, some of us have consequences that may affect us for the rest of our lives (like felonies, career disasters, etc.).
I’m applying for all kinds of jobs and so far, am stuck in the same one. I am going to school online, and I have a 94 average, which I am proud of and it will eventually help get me into a better job.
In other words, I do what I can. I can’t change my past. I broke down and cried the other day when I had to pull up my nursing license online and actually look at it…and realize what I walked away from. However, I still can get it back. It will just take some time and money.
Recovery isn’t easy, but it is so, so worth it. I know that eventually, I will get to a point where I have dealt with all the bad consequences. The actions I take today will bring me only GOOD consequences.
Yes, times are tough but there are a lot of people struggling, not just me. I figure HP has something planned out, I just need to keep doing my part.
The very best part of my recovery is even when I’ve been stressed the most, the thought of using crack literally makes me feel sick. I have trained myself to where every time I think of crack, I remember how awful I felt AFTER I used and that’s what my mind thinks of.
So, for those who are wondering if you can recover from crack or anything else, I say “yes”. 2-1/2 years isn’t a long time, but it’s the longest time in my life that I haven’t used something to “numb” myself. The other stuff I could easily walk away from, but not crack. Now, I’m finally learning to deal with stuff and not get “numb”
Hugs and prayers!
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