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    i’m 5 months sober and i have changed more than anyone probably expected me to. i look at life totally different that i used to and when i was talking to a good ole drinking buddy of mine; he told me that the reason we drink is bc life is changing so fast and we’re not used to it, so we drink to slow it down to our pace. if i’ve pondered on this once i’ve pondered a thousand times. i feel like i’m constantly battleing myself, my family, my choices, my job. i’m making clearer decisions for sure, and i’m happy with them, but i keep looking at my life like it’s a flash of lightening. my g/f doesn’t drink and never has, but it’s like since i’ve been sober (like she wanted) i’ve been putting a lot of stress on us. tonight i usually go to church, and i decided not to. she went without me of course, and therefore i feel a little bad… but damn!! why does someone including myself expect me to keep changing. i just want to sit still for a few days and not talk or bring up my past. i’m trying to leave it behind; not talk about it all the time. i heard a testimony the other night where this girl wouldn’t talk about her past because God put it in the dark for a reason. so the devil wouldn’t have a chance to throw thoughts, questions whatever back in her face while she was living in the light. great testimony, i feel the same too… but i constantly feel like i have to change for somebody (eventhough i don’t!?!?!). anyways…. i’m tired of so many changes, my life has changed so much this year and i don’t think i can handle one more something or another kind of change. lol right now at this moment, i don’t think i would change the fact of being sober… i’m happy with that change. it’s just all these thoughts of change and what’s in the future is getting me. thanks for all the posts! keep em coming.

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