Rehab is REALLY expensive, guys.

I mean, REALLY expensive.

I have a job and a team of people who depend on me. So far, I haven’t jerked up my job yet. Go, me. If I left my team, they would flounder. It would be bad. And selfish. I just can’t leave them.

I can’t afford rehab. I can’t afford the time.

I could just go to meetings again. That worked for a whole week – the longest I’ve been completely clean and sober in awhile.

But I feel like getting locked up and brainwashed is the best way for me to go.

I don’t know.

Am I just trying to pass the responsibility onto someone else? Get a room in a rehab facility and not have to be accountable for getting my own butt to meetings?

I feel tired. Maybe I just need a break.

Maybe this is about me just trying to get out of taking charge of my own life.

It’s confusing … but anyway, in a perfect world, I would check myself into inpatient rehab and stay there for an entire month. Because then I could decompress and get my head on straight.

Then I feel selfish because other people don’t get to just “check out of life” for 30 days when they’re having a rough time.

There are no easy answers … and I guess that’s okay.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at today ….