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- July 26, 2016 at 9:30 pm#39853
I am only a little over a month off of mega doses of adderall (about 80-90mg a day).
I find each day gets harder not easier. I have to say I miss my drug,I miss the “rush” it gave me. The feeling I could conquer the world. I can’t even imagine not using adderall again; it was/is my best friend.
I am mad at this dr. for putting me on it. I should have known I have the addictive gene and should have refused it. Yet I never thought I would get addicted to an upper. I always loved downers. I can’t believe how addictive these uppers are. Yes, I also believe the downers are addictive as well; but not even close to the uppers.
I find the pain pills were easier to get off of. I really do. Some people may disagree; thats ok. I guess it’s debatable.
I tell my husband all the time how much I miss adderall. He told me if i want to live my life living in a room getting high; it’s my choice. Sometimes I think he wants that. He tells me I have overdosed and lived so many times; he is mentally ready to come home one day and see me on the floor “gone.”said he would be devastated; but I have just put him through so much.
I don’t know if I am going to be able to do it this time. Thinking about it again; I left rehab in June 2007, relapsed Oct 2007; I believe. Only went 4 months clean; but didn’t follow discharge instructions.
My parents have primary custody of my sister’s son (he is only 10). He has ADHD. There are ADHD meds all over the house. I feel like going over there and raiding the medicine cabinet.
I do have an appointment with a therapist tommorow night. Maybe that will help somewhat; who knows?
As they say; “this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful.” I can lose my baby girl; my life but i still crave and want to use.
I wish I could afford 28 days in rehab but it’s just to expensive. The rehab I went to in 2007 cost about 700.00 a night; now it’s up to way over a 1000.00 I can’t believe how expensive rehab is. My husband said insurance doesn’t like to pay for rehab because the statistics are so grim. They did cover my detox though.
I hate this disease.
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