So I had a complete freakout earlier, the kind of stuff I drink on. I sat in tears thinking, help me please, my head feels like it will explode, the tears anger and sadness feel out of control, I feel physically sick, I try to rest and calm down but the sadness won’t go.
Part of all this is that I’ve lived my whole life pretending things are ok, that I’m totally in control, that I’m f-i-n-e…and surpressing all my real feelings. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything or rather I didn;t kinow who how to feel anything. Its way too painful.
Well I guess I can’t stop these feelings crashing into my reality now, but I find it so hard to deal with them. I’m in therapy and have been for a few years now but I’ve still found it hard to tap into these extreme emotions that keep me in self-destruct mode.