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    Six years ago today I received my liver transplant. I don’t remember it because I was so ill. Every time it comes up in conversasion with my Mom I learn something new.

    A couple days ago we talked about my “bleed out”. What a literal nightmare to revisit that in a conversasion with your Mom who witnessed it first hand. I guess my memory of that event is foggy. I only remember throwing up blood like a demon, all over everything and everyone. She said I threw up blood in a pregnant nurses mouth and she freaked out because she thought I might be HIV+. I’m not. No sleep that night.

    She called me today and wished me a happy Second Birthday. She talked about what happened on this day in 2004. It brings out a lot of emotions.

    Happy – That I am able to be here with my family and friends when I could have and should have been dead.

    Sad – That a person had to lose their life in order for me to be here. Rumor has it that my donor was a 19 year old girl who had just got a new car for her birthday. ??? God bless her. I love her – she is part of me now. I wish I knew for sure.

    Angry – That I put myself in the position that all of this had to happen. I cannot ever forget this. I relive it daily. I can’t help it, maybe I am supposed too.

    Shame – That I knew the road I was going down could have no good ending. I was weak and ignorant, I did not listen to my body or my mind. My LP took over.

    Sorry – That I had to put my family through that Hell with me. Parents, wife, children, four brothers, friends, in-laws. I changed them all.

    Thanks – That my parents were so dang strong for me. They would not take No for an answer and literally went to battle for me in the time of need. I would not be writing this if it weren’t for them. People do not get transplants without atleast six months sobriety under them. They actually moved from AZ to FL for the months that I was in the hospital. They put their lives on hold for me. They were at my side every day. They read a lot.

    For the Doctors, Surgeons and Nurses that took such good care of me. They are my heros. Nurses are way under appreciated!!!


    Hope – That I will continue on my journey and be strong this time. I don’t know how long a transplanted liver lasts, afraid to ask. I heard or read somewhere that the record is 25 years. That gives me atleast 19 more years to live. I plan on breaking the record(if that is true). Hope that my kidney’s will hang in there for the rest of the journey. Still a lot left to do. I am not even close to where I want to be. Still waiting for direction.

    I told myself – just a short simple thread. Now look.

    Happy Memorial Day. God Bless our soldiers.

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