- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by Anonymous.
- October 26, 2015 at 1:21 pm#37735AnonymousInactive
Hi everyone….As I sit here and type this, I’m crying. I know that God isn’t suppose to put more on you than you can handle, but I’m at my limit.
As some of you here know, I’m a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 13 months clean today. My husband has been addicted to weed for many year, but hasn’t smoked in almost two weeks now. I’m happy about that.
He hasn’t worked but 5 days in the past 8 weeks and things are tough right now, especially financially. I’ve been looking for a job, but no luck so far.
I thought that things would get better with my marriage, but it’s been just the opposite.
I found a church that I like a lot and together, we’ve gone three times. The first Sunday we went, and I really enjoyed it…my husband didn’t speak to me for a week. Why? I don’t know. He’s been so angry.
Yesterday, we went and my dad went with us. Yesterday afternoon, he and my 16 year old got into it and I got in the middle of them. My husband pushed me, told me he hated me and then proceeded to tell me that my ‘best years’ are over, and that no other man would want me. He called me a ‘crack head’ and told me that if we separated, that I would go back to being a ‘crack head’.
He knows how insecure I am about myself. I’ve been doing everything I can to get back into shape as I gained 20 lbs since getting clean. I’ve been working out and have so far lost 10lbs. I mean, before, I was very malnourished and to thin for my 5.8 frame, so it’s not like I gained a ton of weight.
He said a lot of hurtful things that I won’t go into.
So, last night, around 6:00pm, I had this overwhelming urge to get high. I felt like I was going to climb out of my skin. So, I got dressed, got in the car, and I went to the Sunday evening service at the church. But, on the drive there it crossed my mind at the stop light. As I sat there, waiting on the light to turn green, that I could go one of two ways…turn right and go pick up some $hit, or go straight ahead and go to church. I went to church.
I just know that I can’t ‘run’ anymore. My marriage is in turmoil. I guess that I thought that when he quit ‘smoking’ and we started going to church, somehow, things would get better. But, if anything, they’ve gotten worse.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed, I’m so hurt. Waking up to this, this morning was so hard. It was so hard for me to even get out of bed.
Thanks for letting me share, :c021:
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.