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  • #42891

    I have endless triggers, and am only newly sober, but this latest one has been especially tough for me. My mom lives with our family and just redesigned our deck area so it looks to me like a “party zone”-cabana, lights, fire pit, etc. It’s nice, but it stresses me out. No one else in my house drinks much at all, but they all want to just hang out there all the time and my brain screams at me “what’s the point if we’re not getting loaded!!” I know that’s such an example of my messed up brain, but it makes me so frustrated that they pressure me when I really try to express how complicated it is for me. My mom also chain smokes out there, and again I know her issues are her issues and mine are mine, but it irritates me that she can kill herself with cigs and not feel any remorse and I have to take responsibility for my life and health and stay sober.

    At the same time, I’m so grateful I have been given that insight/maturity/grace or whatever it is that she lacks…but I also hate how my feelings about her and my husband, who has his own issues he has no intention of dealing with, have changed since getting sober.

    AHHH…this stuff is all so hard! Thanks for letting me whine.

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