Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Substance Abuse Trying to let go and let god…

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    I visited Texas Magnum today, behind bars. Twice, he wanted to cry. He brushed it off my rubbing at his face. He is a big strong man, 22, with a bald head and tattoos all over. Not the kind to cry in public. He is struggling.

    The holidays are here and he is more than likely going to be “in transfer” in the prison system during that time. He is scared, sad, and lonely!

    And then, when I got home I had an envelope from him in the mail. He had sent me something to post for him, he says that he is full of anger, fear, anxiety and sadness. He is worried about his future. He is bored out of his mind. And, he wants to come HOME!

    And home is a long ways away at this point. We are thinking 22 months is what we should expect, with so-called good time and such.

    He is trying hard to remember what they told him in AA — Let go and let god. He is trying to pray for serenity and faith that all is unfolding as it should.

    And meanwhile, he deals with the real emotions plaguing him, wanting to be angry, act out, FIGHT someone, rage at someone, use drugs, drink…

    I feel so bad for him, I wish I could do more than be the bystander observing his fate, and the person chronicling this all for him as it unfolds… but at least I can do that!!

    I know we all have prisons around us, or within us, that we erect ourselves… but my heart goes out for Magnum today, his bars are a little too real and a little too harsh.

    Peace ~~

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