My friend passed away 3 days ago. 50 yrs old. He was a heavy drinker. I know because I use to drink with him. I know it wasnt the right thing to do, but I started drinking last night. I drank all night til 4 this morning. I staggered home. Then I got into a huge fight with my wife. It turned physical. It happened so fast. I didnt mean to hurt her. This wasnt the first time either. Now she is gone, with my kids. I think my heart has never hurt so bad my whole life. I cant live like this. Theres AA here but I have to wait a few days til I can go (I work 12hr graves). I dont have anyone to talk to anymore. I hate this monster I have become.