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  • #38780
    Anonymous
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    Hi all,

    I hope everyone is doing well. I lost my job three weeks ago. I have been drinking again. Nothing crazy, no blackouts, no dumb behavior, but drinking. What I’ve noticed is that I am more numb to life when drinking (not that, that is good) then when not. When I’m not drinking I am more positive, go to meetins and get around positive people, exercise more, just am more involoved in life. Drinking has lead me to some pretty bad places metally in the past.

    I guess what I am saying is I am drinking again and it’s not really good or really bad, it just kind of is…. I hate writing this post, but the community has done so much good for me in my life I feel the need to be honest. One problem I have is when I quit drinking I am sooooo “gung ho” about it. I tell everyone I know that I’ve stopped and this time for GOOD! I go to meetings, read the literature, listen to the book on my ipod, etc…

    I relapsed about a month ago. What was going through my head was I was mad at myself for being overweight, I was mad that I had a dead end job (and appears I was right lol), I was mad that my life didn’t seem to be getting any better. So what did I do? I dropped my son off at his mom’s and went straight to a bar. I ordered my trusted freind (knob creek and diet coke). Had two within the hour. When I came home I told my wife that I wanted to have a few beers that night and she flipped out. My problem with all of this is I feel that my calling out my own drinking issues back fires on me. In other words, it’s me that entered AA volentarily. My wife has never shown any concern with my drinking but once I entered AA I feel like she did (understandably)…

    So, where I am at now is, I want a sober life. I really do. Given my financial situation I can’t imagine I’ll hit a “low bottom” simply due to I can’t really do anything. I just feel that if I go to AA again and give it another shot (and then fail) it might cost me my marriage. It’s as if I would be giving myself my own ultimatum…

    Anyway, just wanted to share the bad news just like I always have the good news. I hope all of you out there are doing well. Also, any newcomers who read this, stay in the community it’s really great and does work for many (and who knows, maybe one day – me!…

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