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    At the end of today I will have two days of sobriety. This is my third time getting sober in the past 10 months and the last time I made it something like 45 days.

    I haven’t actually quit yet. I just haven’t had a drink since Friday. Friday was a very bad day which ended with me near suicidal at 1 in the morning, in one of those funky, alcohol fueled depressions. Yesterday I thought it might be a good idea to stay away from the wine, and today I felt a little better and thought maybe two days would be twice as sensible. But I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of quitting, as in “for good.” I have learned that I have a hard time with absolutes.

    So, I’m sitting here tonight thinking back on the time I quit smoking. I was in the same boat. It took me a long time to get to a point at which I really wanted to quit more than the addict in me wanted to get its way. And I’m thinking that, with alcohol, it’s going to have to be the same way. I think that I really did not think that I had that much work to do with drinking. I was wrong about that. I have to realize, like I did with smoking, that this is a poison that is going to take my life if I do not do something to stop. That the idea of taking poison into my body deliberately is completely counter to common sense.

    I am not sure how many days I will be stringing together here, taken one at a time. But today I did not drink, and that’s a good place to be.

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