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    I met an old coworker for lunch today. I no longer work with that company, but my alcoholic ex still works there, who I broke up with about the same time I decided to quit drinking. This coworker transferred away, so is no longer working in the same office as my ex.

    He knew I was a heavy drinker. I’ve been known to be a partier. He knew that I struggled to quit a year ago when my liver got sick and that I’ve finally quit for good. I was never too close to him as I never really felt a connection, but he was a true friend and a nice person.

    Something about being with him just brought me back to my old persona. The feelings I mean. I’ve been working hard on finding myself and finding new interests…but meeting up with him, I could feel my party ego wanting to emerge. It was weird. He didn’t say anything wrong – I just felt like he had a hard time not seeing me as the party person. Or maybe I was just feeling that, who knows.

    When I left, I was thinking how I wish I could just go back to that. I drove around running my errands thinking of how much easier it would be to just do what I used to, get drunk everyday and go out to restaurants and just go home. Everyone sees me as a partier anyway, how am I going to be different? How am I going to fight that image? Gee, wish I could call the abusive ex and go back to that lifestyle, but I know that’s not good. It’s like for a few hours I didn’t know who I was or how I was going to be…not sure how to describe it.

    I sat it out for a few hours and now it’s gone.

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