- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 11 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 22, 2008 at 3:06 am#34235AnonymousInactive
Pretty long story, please bear with me here:
Well, in high school I drank because it was a social thing to do and was fun to get messed up with my friends and there was a little danger involved, you know getting caught and all. But about halfway through my senior year I started to feel some of the warning signs. It took about 5 drinks for me to just feel a buzz. And once I started I did not stop until there was no beer left. That was basically what stopped me from drinking myslef to death. But I never black out, and only threw up the first time I drank, when I was about 15, summer before sophomore year. By the time the last semester of senior was winding down, I was getting completely messed up average 4 times a week. And during the summer I’d be doing it even more, especially during two weeks worth of graduation parties. After a bad day at school or work, I’d leave thinking “man, I need a drink…” At first I wasn’t a huge fan of beer, now I love it, the taste and all. Everyone tells me how they don’t like the taste of beer, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I cannot wait until I’m legal, because then there is no restriction.
Well now I’m in college and at my campus alcohol runs like tap water. And not only do I feel the signs I started to feel inhigh school, in college, they have all increased, and I am feeling new signs. All I think about is the next time I have a chance to get drunk. I’d get sh*t-faced friday and saturday night, then recover sunday. Monday, all I can think of was how great the weekend was, and how I can’t wait to do it again. Tuesday I have a 4 hour chemistry lab, and after leaving that, once again, I feel like I desperately need a drink. Wednesday, all I can think is “well it’s wednesday, which means tomorrow’s thrursday, so it’s almost friday…” Thursday all I can think is ” Oh my god tomorrow is friday… cant wait” then friday comes, get insanely drunk, rinse and repeat. Like I said, I basically have to chug my first 5 drinks to feel anything, then I drink at an above average rate until I’m satisfied. Which means I DO know my limit, as far as when to stop before I seriously injure myself. Then again, I have never really stopped on my own, the kegs always run dry before I decide to stop. So maybe I don’t. I mean most people I know stop when their “stomache starts to hurt,” but I don’t feel sicka t all anymore, I’ve thrown up once in about 3 years of drinking, on the first night I drank. And, I’ve never blacked out. Never passed out. So I never feel like I am drinking a dangerous volume, but I know the mind can trink itself into thinking dangerous stuff. So now drinking has become more than just a social thing my friends and I do. If I don’t get completely messed up both friday and saturday nights, I feel disappointed, but not necessarily depressed, which is what a bunch of websites say. Sometimes when I am stumbling around at the parties, I feel like people are staring at me like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m the only one who gets as messed up as I do. So I looked at some stats on my school’s website, and according to them the amount of kids who drink to excess was very slim. And I go BEYOND excess, which places me in an even deeper minority. According to the website, binge drinking for a guy is 5 beers. And if I have to “binge drink” to get a buzz, I feel like there’s something wrong there. By the way, it’s not like I’m a 350 lb lineman on the football team, which gives me my tolerance. I’m just an athletic kid whos 5’8″ 150lbs. Pretty light actually for my age/ height. Yet I’m out drinking friends of mine who are 6’3″ 200+ lbs like a frat kid drinking with a bunch of 14 year old kids.
However, I have not attended a single thristy thursday (get messed up thursday night basically), since I have class early friday mornings. So it’s not like I’m at the point where I want to ditch class to drink. I do still have some sense of priority. But I want to go to these so bad… and I know that next semester, I’m going to be tempting myself to make my schedule to accomidate my drinking. And I’m affraid that one night I decide to not leave the house and have 15 drinks ($5 a cup and drink all you want, nothing really stopping me) and kill myself. I mean you can get drunk 10 thousand times and live to be 100, but it only takes one night, one string of small mistakes to end up drinking yourself to death when you’re 18. But none of this is stopping me.
Also, no, I don’t get pissed off drunk. In fact, I am normally a very nice, approachable, outgoing, sometimes loud (Born and raised in New Jersey we’re all a little loud), happy guy. These traits are only increased exponentially when I get drunk. You can place me in the “happy drunk” category. I get louder, happier, insanely outgoing. I can talk to you for literally hours. And I get kind of A.D.D. where I can’t stand around, always moving around and doing something or talking to someone. Everyone is my best friend. And if soomeone offers me some bud? I ask them to marry me.
So, do I have a problem, or am I feeling warning signs for something that is developing, that I still have time to prevent myslef from becoming deeply addicted? Or is it too late, am I addicted? I know there is a problem, I’m just not sure on the current level of my problem.
Thank you all so much.
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