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    So I have admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem. What do I do now? I can go for days without a drink; I am a week end drinker. I used to be an every night wine drinker but who was I kidding. I have a problem. I suppose I could use the excuse that my old man was or is a drunk (haven’t spoken to him in 9 years) I could use the excuse that alcoholism runs in my family traceable to 3 generations that I know of. Now I am raising a generation of my own. Are they dammed to the same fate as me? How pathetic am I. What lies ahead for me? I am not too sure that I have a solid support mechanism at home, because of the complexity of addiction. How can they understand what they don’t know? I think that I use alcohol as an escape from those who are to support me. What now? Do I need to get a divorce? There are so many unanswered questions. How can you get better without feeling a little bit sorry for your self, with out wallowing in self-pity? Now look, I am rambling on and on.
    I have lost interest in the things I love, including me! I have not lost interest in my kids so I know I haven’t hit rock bottom yet. I keep kidding myself that I haven’t turned out like my old man so I must have this under control. I still have a house and a family so I am doing good (right?). Well I am done step number one, Now to work on the others.

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