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- September 25, 2015 at 5:27 am#37504AnonymousInactive
when your sponsor calls YOU?
Tonight I spent an hour or more on the phone with my sponsor. She called me up tonight to tell me that she used. Her DOC is cocaine and the “occasional” opiate. She has 10 months clean. Not ideal for a sponsor, I’m sure, but they are very hard to come by in my NA chapter. She assured me that she was up for it, so I accepted the help.
She’s been very supportive of me over the past couple of months and I appreciate that immensely. However, now I feel that she can’t really sponsor me anymore. I don’t know why she chose to call me. I only have 135 days in recovery, save for the one night I took those four percocet 30 days ago. She wasn’t around when I did that. I called her repeatedly, but she never answered. (NOT blaming her for what I did by ANY stretch!)
I have to tell her that I don’t feel the situation is appropriate any longer…but I don’t want her to feel like she failed me either. I know the struggle. I know how hard it is. But, I have to take care of myself first and foremost. Apparently, she didn’t use once like I did…rather, she did an 8 ball of coke over the past two days.
I am, by no means, in the position to sponsor anyone, let alone someone who is sponsoring others (she sponsors two other girls beside me). She told me she called me because she feels she can trust me. She asked me not to tell the other two what she did. Not that I could anyway, because I am not really certain of who they are. I only know their first names. For all I know, they could be in my group with me. I have no clue.
I tried to be supportive of her, but my efforts naturally fell flat. What’s done is done. I can’t tell her it was no big deal, because in my eyes, it was.
I wish she never called me. Now I have to tell her that I can no longer have her as my sponsor…and the thought of doing that hurts me immensely. I don’t like to hurt other people…but her using and then, calling me, is detrimental to my own recovery, isn’t it?
What would you do in this position? I really need some advice.
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