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  • #37599
    Anonymous
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    Hi
    So, I’ve been clean for sometime now. I had two relapses but overall, I’ve been drug free as I’m on a Suboxone maintanance (sp?) plan. I take 24 mgs of that gross tasting suboxone. I wish it was just a regular pill that you could swallow but I guess it is what it is.

    I don’t know if I can handle the drug free life. I have so many thoughts of wanting to start using again. i just want a few percocets thats all. just something to make me feel anything than what im feeling 🙁

    I don’t even get a huge prescription of klonipins anymore so i can’t abuse them, or i can but then i’d be up SHTS CREEK when the w/ds start from benzo’s.

    I don’t like this anymore. There is one reason that I’m not popping perks or oxys or vikes is because I know I’ll go into withdrawals if i mix suboxone with an opiate but i wonder how true that is. I don’t want to feel worse off then I am now but i swear sometimes i wish i never starrted suboxone and that i was still getting percocets. I MISS THEM so much.
    I know it’s not a person but i just miss them. I miss having 250 klonipins a month a nd i miss h aving my vicodins and percocets. Ithink life was so much easier.

    Maybe i should have gone on methadone instead this way i would be able to still pop pills but of course not, im on the medication that takes over your opiate receptor so no other opi’s can get to them. wthell.

    I haven’t had a percocet or any med like that since august 26. I relapsed one time on crack and one time on pills but they wren’t narcotics. I didn’t feel good about it. I hate drugs because they make you feel so good but they make you feel so bad. Even though I’m really just 10 days clean I hate it every single day. I remember how when i was lonely or feeling down, those pills helped me feel better. Nothing else mattered, I wasn’t depressed well at least i didn’t think i was.

    does anyone here think i should switch to a methadone clinic? does methadone make you feel better??????????? it’s still a maintance program right but i don’t want to go to a clinic and get it in liquid form.

    i am just having a really hard time with this 🙁

    maybe i am taking the suboxones wrong and not letting them disolve under my tounge long enogh. 1–8 mg helps me for only 5 hours but it’s late at night when i really feel like i need another substance. I won’t use again because at one aa meeting i went to i got a coin for being clean, it wasnt a 30 day coin it was some under 7 days clean coin.

    i am still in outpatient intensive treatment at the rehab place. we go around telling people our drug of choice name craving level and all of that and i would feel kind of dumb if i said my cravings are a 10 even though im on suboxone because they are more like 10×100

    im on a relatively high dose of suboxone at 24 mg a day and yeah it does help me but not all the time. i keep getting depressed feelings and i am fine until i get those feelings and thoughts. My anti depressent or mood stabalizer was just raised today so maybe that will help. I don’t know why thepast is haunting me. I don’t know why i have suicidal thoughts but i know i have them.
    im supposed to write a note to the percocets telling them good bye but i havent yet. It is ki:c020:nd of wierd but maybe that will help. ok sorry for rambling and i hope i didn’t make anyone mad with my post as in triggering anyone but this is hell. i am gratefil that i didn’t have to endure bad w/ds and things like that but i know something is wrong with me i have some lose screws

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