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  • #30896
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    there just never seems to be a good day to quit,

    i mannaged 9 days sober, an then got trashed, my bf an i have had so many troubles recently., lst 3 mths,

    we have argued so much he has pushed me away when i needed him most, i opened my heart an told him all about the depth of my drinking,

    he likes a drink after work, but is not dependant, but in my 9 sober ays he sat an drank next 2 me,

    in recent row, sat he told e to get fxxxed again, he always tells me to leave when he s drunk then we ignore each other 4 days , we not slept in same bed 4 more than 4 weeks,

    i said i was gonna leave cos he keeps tellin me to, now he s saying its just the beer, but it s mor than that we both have a child each mine is 10, his is 15, an has no respect 4 me,

    many rows over this, bf said last night i had 2 decide stay or go,

    i said i think i should go, most of me knows its the thing to do, but it hurts,

    i need to b on my own an take charge of my life , but have no money, for deposit on house an most hoses will not take housing benefit(welfare)

    so im scared an drinking, i want to be sober so bad,

    i want to b responsible 4 me so bad, but im scared an alone , :bigcry

    #159567
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Rach,

    I am sorry you are going through tough times.

    I became willing to go to any lengths to gain victory over the chains of alcohol. I became free from the desire to drink by going to AA, getting a sponsor and doing the programme. It works.

    At the same time, I was able to be free of a bad relationship. I was able to put down the drink and the man.

    Have you thought about popping along to an AA meeting?

    You are not alone. We understand.

    Steph

    #159562
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well…
    I could not stay sober when my lover was still drinking…
    yes it hurt but he had to go from my life.

    For me…I felt my mind going from the drink.
    I decided to make being sober my first goal.

    As to how to move away….I have no idea what is
    possible in your area.
    Do you have any Womens Shelters?
    If so…please go talk to them and ask.

    I have made many sober friends in AA.
    Some of them share homes with each other.

    I found a new job and a low income apartment
    by talking about my need in AA meetings.

    And stayed sober too…:)

    Hugs

    #159563
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Rach this is just my opinion, but it seems as though you have 2 big problems and you are using one as an excuse to drink. Steph has proven that both the beast can be conquered when you are ready.

    When I was ready to quit drinking there was no excuse for me to drink, I was willing to go to any length to quit.

    I found in AA as steph did that I was not alone, in AA I found love and support, I found Experience, strength, & hope from people who were just like me at one time yet they have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. These people were more then happy to share with me how they had got and stayed sober one day at a time.

    Rach when you have had enough to drink and are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will find the strength to start on the road to recovery. Keep in mind you are not alone, there are thousands of people who have found a way out of the hole you are in right now and they would love nothing more then to show you the way out of that hole.

    #159569
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Rach,

    As has already been pointed out, you’ve got to want this thing for yourself, and be prepared to go to any lengths to get it. Go to meetings, do the suggested things, get phone numbers and use them.

    hugs and prayers for you

    #159574
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    thank u to all of u,

    im going to leave, im going to go c a man i clean 4, he s 78, an got 3 spare rooms an ask if i can stay there temporarily, untill i can find an available property,

    it s the only way, im pretty decided on that 1,

    im concentrating on keeping busy, occupying my mind with things other than what if s with bf, it s time 2 make the break,

    thanks again all 4 ur in puts

    gonna go lie in the sun 4 an hr , b4 i miss it, xxxx

    #159565
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Rach, please visit AA, you will find friends there like you have found here.

    Best,

    Ted

    #159570
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Rach, there is a bunch of folks here who care and hope to hear that you are making progress on sobriety and your other issues. I agree with Groucho/Ted: please visit AA, get phone numbers and use them, get a sponsor – at least a temporary one – and work the steps.

    Best to you from the Snowgoose.

    #159573
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @rach28 1474154 wrote:

    there just never seems to be a good day to quit,
    i mannaged 9 days sober, an then got trashed, my bf an i have had so many troubles recently., lst 3 mths,…..

    many rows over this, bf said last night i had 2 decide stay or go,
    i said i think i should go, most of me knows its the thing to do, but it hurts,

    i need to b on my own an take charge of my life , but have no money, for deposit on house an most hoses will not take housing benefit(welfare)
    so im scared an drinking, i want to be sober so bad,
    i want to b responsible 4 me so bad, but im scared an alone , :bigcry

    **I can relate to having trouble finding the right day to quit. I did that for many years. There seemed to always be some reason to not quit that day. Too much stress, fight with SO, fight with kids, work to stressful, money issues, and the list went on and on. I found that as long as I was willing to allow outside things to keep me from stopping drinking I would never be able to quit. I finally was able to seek help and go to any lengths to stop drinking when I was in enough pain to see no way out besides death. Thankfully, AA was there for me and has been more than enough for a few 24 hours.

    **I always hated ultimatums because they forced me to make a choice. Sounds to me like you already have made a choice about leaving. It is never easy to end a relationship even if that relationship has not been healthy. The pain does ease though over time. I have found in my life that prior to my stopping drinking my “picker” was broken. I always seemed to find relationships that provided excuses for me to keep on drinking. People with issues, abusive relationships, etc…. Since I have been sober I have been able to have a relationship with a person who is nothing like the people I seemed to attract before. I am happier in this relationship than I have ever been in my life. I can truely see us at 80 years old still happy and in love.

    **It looks like you realize that nothing changes if nothing changes and the only person we can change is ourselves. I found that as long as I was drinking my life stayed out of control and it just got worse every year. It took me a long time to accept that my life had become unmanageable. Once I was able to accept that and the fact that I had no power over my drinking, I could not live with it but could not live without it, I was able to ask for help. There are always going to be reasons that we can find to not do things. Life is full of challenges and how we deal with them is what is important. At 6 months of sobriety I fell into a serious financial crunch. Wound up on welfare, had to declare bankruptcy, had to learn how to walk again, as well as many other challenges. The easy thing to do would have been to give up and start drinking again but by the time I got to AA I was so beat up I was and still am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. I can not say it was easy but things have worked out and life is good today. I still have challenges, as that is a part of life, but I have the tools to face those challenges without drinking.

    ***As far as finding a place to live, you might try talking to your case worker, try section 8 housing, try Oxford housing (it is recovery housing) do not give up. I truely believe that you can find affordable housing. There are many people who have been in your shoes that have done just that.

    ***Please remember you are not alone. After getting sober I realized that I was never alone, I just felt like it because I was too afraid to ask for help. AA is what worked for me but there are many other recovery programs out there. I would encourage you to find one and throw yourself into it. Develope a support group. There is hope and you can change your life, you just have to make the decision to do it and stop putting it off. The longer you put it off the more unmanageable your life will become.

    ***I wish you the best and hope to hear from you again. Welcome to Soberrecover.com

    #159571
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I was in a similar situation some years ago Rach. I’d been with him about a yr and it was getting worse and worse. We were both drinkers (he probably still is) and I needed to get away or just not survive, it was about as simple as that. I stopped drinking, joined AA, went through a sort of mental breakdown, but got 2 yrs sobriety. If I hadn’t done that I don’t think I’d be here now. I’ve since got married to someone I get on with (and he doesn’t drink!) and my life has got a lot better. I’ve recently given up drinking again as I don’t want to loose the life I have now, I don’t want to waste all that effort. I found it incredibly difficult (to leave the drinking bf) but it was worth it – I had very little income too but over here alot of rental properties accept benefit. Hope you get the strength and courage to do the right thing for you. Keep posting.

    #159572
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’ve just noticed you’re from uk too! If you go to your local council offices, find the housing dept, they should be able to help you out. And theres always the Citizens Advice Bureau, they give free advice.

    #159575
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    thanks to all of u, i have ben into the council, i need 2 find a place an they will give me the deposit, so i just need 2 find the mth in advance an a landlord prepared 2 accept part benefits, or option 2 is a bed an breakfast 20 miles or so from work an school,

    im getting local paper today an hoping thers something, another row last night at midnight, cant keep this up,

    as 4 aa as soon as i get housing situation sorted im gonna go, an im gonna b sober, im not getting drunk, im keeping a clear head, i need 2 to get out a this hole im in,

    thanks 4 all your care xxxx

    #159568
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Rach,

    Good to see you are making plans to take care of yourself. I am really pleased for you.

    I find that putting sobriety first helps keep me going and makes everything easier. Meetings and the programme I use allow me to do the other things I need to do. First things first. Sobriety is the first priority so a meeting is step one.

    #159564
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Rach why put off going to AA, heck you may be very surprised that one of the members may have a place to let that you can afford.

    AA is a fellowship, we always watch out for each other, we help those looking to help them selfs, we have walked in your shoes, we have been in the pit and we know the way out and are more then happy to show some one else the way out.

    #159566
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I know of people who were picked up from a homeless shelter to go to a AA meeting. If you are truly ready to quit drinking, and you have come to the realization that self will cannot, and will not work, the time to quit is right now. Those of us in recovery have gone through what you are going through. If you are an alcoholic there are only two ways to go, recovery and sobriety or death.

    AA has given me both the recovery, sobriety, and I am so grateful that I never have to face my alcoholism alone.

    Tom

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