Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Alcohol Abuse Why do I find myself fighting the urge to go buy a bottle….AGaIN!!!!!!!

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  • #31094
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Here I am fighting the urge of going to my local liquor store which by the way everyone knows me in there which is pretty sad. I mean I actually got my shoes on, brushed my teeth, and got my purse and was about to walk out the door, and then the tougher side of me put that voice in my mind and soul that this is just stupid and why the hell are you doing this again. I sat back down, took my shoes off, and put my purse down. I mean this is like self freakin torture because I would have rushed and picked up some liquor, drank as much as I could before my daughter’s father came home and then I would try and act sober and not smell of liquor. I mean what a waste right. When I think of the amount of money I blew on alcohol in just the past month it makes me sick. Why the hell do I torture myself……..

    :c002:

    #163912
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    From page XXVI of the Big Book, The Doctor’s opinion.

    We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

    Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.

    The only way I could get a grasp on my cravings was to conceed I am an alcoholic and unable to mange alcohol alone. Then realizing that there was a power greater than me and accept since that power was greater than me it could help me by easing my cravings. My cravings for alcohol have long since left.

    One other thing that has helped me is the acronym HALT; Don’t allow myself to get Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. If I do then I find a way to resolve it. If I am Hungry I eat, If I am Angry I work it out, if I am Lonely I go to a meeting, if I am tired I rest. This has helped me immensely in my sobriety.

    Hang in their the cravings do ease as time goes by. Your body just needs a chance to recover. You might also consider talking with your Dr. He may be able to prescribe something to help with the cravings until you are more able to handle them..

    #163908
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It’s what we do, (or did). It’s part of what we become, it’s part habit. After so many years of doing it, it feels un-natural to do anything else.

    That’s why a support system, (people who have been there) is so important. Call somebody when that happens, that will help ALOT. Talk to them about it right then.

    Doing it alone is very, very difficult. And unnecessary, don’t make it any harder than it has to be, especially early on. It won’t always be like this either.

    Good job too BTW, not acting that all the way out. You should feel good about that. 🙂

    #163907
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Mama~D 1500451 wrote:

    Why the hell do I torture myself……..

    :c002:

    Because that is what we do…till we learn better ways.

    Good job on the shoe removal. We stay sober by saying no…one day (or moment) at a time. You did well.

    #163911
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    For years I thought I was the town drunk. I just knew everyone in my hometown of 50,000 plus understood I was a drunk. Of course, few knew or cared, yet I believed it and that was enough. You are experiencing what each us of went through over and over again until one of several things happened. If you are like some here and me, you are quickly coming to the realization that you are powerless over booze. Today is the perfect example. I have heard the term that we can get off the elevator on any floor, obviously meaning we can quit the cycle of self administered pain any day we choose. I have also heard it said and have said it myself that it took every drink, every experience, every loss to get me where I am today.

    Here is what I have done and what I tell those who ask, A. drink until you are done, then drink some more to make sure you are completely done, but get it over with, get FULL. For me the softer, easier way was kidding myself that I was ready to stop drinking, when I was not. Sure, I wanted the pain to go away, but I was not ready to stop drinking. No Alcoholic ever wants to stop drinking; we had to or die; simple enough. Next, if I didn’t have something to believe in greater than myself, I must discover something to do so now, not tomorrow, now. Next, I do the next right thing as I go through my day, whatever that is and I follow directions, no matter how painful those directions might be.

    Your experience of walking out of the door for a drink today has been repeated millions of times by good folks here. Please find a lady here who has worked all of the 12 steps and begin to talk in private. Get full, find a quiet place alone and ask that being greater than you for help and keep asking until you get it. Find a lady to guide you and then follow directions and continue not to drink.

    You will go through much. You might decide that once again or many times that your excuses for a drink are valid. If you drink, then you probably needed that drink. Minimize the pain in the long term by getting the drinking completed now. There is a world of difference between completed and stopped. Once you are full, your thinking and behavior will remain the same as if you were drinking. The steps and someone to guide you through them is essential to a return not only to sanity, but to life, a new life worth living. If you are truly like many of us, your current life sucks. Wonderfully fortunate are you to realize this simple fact, that enough is enough and life is worth living without the chains of beverage alcohol.

    Finally, let me give you what I was given in this, Obviously, I can’t do it alone, HE can, why don’t I let HIM.

    I wish you well; you have helped me more than you know.

    Ron A.

    #163910
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    You haven’t learned how to rotate stores so they don’t know you’re an alcoholic ?!?!? 😉

    Good job. It gets easier with time. All of the promises of AA have come true for me for me, sometimes all of them on a given day. That said, here’s one that’s always true for me:

    Quote:
    And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone —even alcohol.

    For by this time sanity will have returned.

    We will seldom be interested in liquor.

    If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.

    We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.

    We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it.

    We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.

    We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected.

    We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem (craving/obsession) has been removed. It does not exist for us.

    #163913
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    good, you did great
    next time you put you shoes on just go for a nice walk and dont think about it.

    #163909
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Mama I can strongly relate to that, the reason I tortured myself is I am an alcoholic and being an alcoholic I have this thing I do naturally…… I drink!!!!

    It took me 40 years of drinking before I finally really had enough to drink and became willing to admit I was powerless over alcohol, I also came to beleive that there was a power greater then me that could restore my sanity because when it came to drinking and the reasons & justifications for me to drink were insane!!!! Once I knew those 2 things I then made a decision to turn my will & life over to that power, the insanity ended and with that I finished the rest of the steps and continue to work and live them to the best of my ability.

    I am happy, joyous and free today, the need/urge to drink has been lifted and I have been restored to sanity.

    I no longer lie to myself or the world, I am at peace with myself and the world.

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