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- March 18, 2016 at 9:18 am#38833AnonymousInactive
I just found this site and it appears to be a great place to share stories and experiences and to share my current issues to remind everyone else that has quit using. Quick back ground on me, I was a heavy drinker and user for most of my life starting at the age of 12 until the age of 24, I went into a 12 step program and kicked the booze and life was great!! It has been 7 years now since I had a drink and I thought I was out of the woods and living the good life. That was until a week ago today.
I just realized that I have been taking vicodin, and Xanax for over 3 years now, some I had to hunt down and some I had scripts for. My battle with drugs and booze appears not to be over but just starting again. I have not picked up a drink but a slip would be very easy now, and the sad thing is I know if I drink I am going to die simple as that. I just can’t stop once I pick it up.
Last Thursday I said to myself “self what in the hell are you doing? you don’t need these pills, your done put them down and walk away” That looks good on paper, but taking that step is MUCH easier said than done. I have not had anything since last Thurday, and I have an image burned into my brain of what the first few days were like and won’t soon forget. Yesterday I wound up in the ER due to complete numbness and when I say complete I mean complete. This was after all the other BS that comes along with W/D, and I was running scared thinking I was about to die. A little fact about Xanax I did not know, you can W/D for over a month on this crap, same with Vicodin, and it takes a while to get yourself back together. I figured 4 or 5 days and I would be done, but for me it got worse and worse and worse, not better.
I went sleepless for 5 days, laid on the floor shaking, spinning, sweating, seeing things on the wall, ears ringing, general pain in my legs, and shoulders, then my mouth went numb, then my face, then my back, sides, arms, and legs.
The pain that I have been through with duel W/D has been very bad and taxing on my body and the people around me. I was on a W/D roller coaster ride that I wanted off of but knew that if I used I would be starting over the WD process, and that was the VERY last thing I wanted to do.
So today, now, typing this it has been 7 real hard days since I have picked up, I still feel like hell, a train wreck of epic proportions but by the grace of god I finally slept about 5 hours last night, and at least I can fight this demon with a little sleep under my belt.
sorry for such a long post for my first post, I really hope that my story brings back bad memory’s and reminders that changing a DOC does not mean that you are sober. I just found that last part out 🙂
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