Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Substance Abuse Wow. Surrender. What a powerful word.

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  • #31121
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Sundays we have a brunch meeting at a nearby hospital. A good thirty to forty member meeting. Excellent meeting. This is the meeting were I met my sponsor. It took me several months in early recovery to find a sponsor that I could identify and feel comfortable with. When I was abusing drugs and alcohol, I got to a point were if I didn’t take some action soon I was going to lose my mind or worst death. Several months before I actually log on to 12 Step National Meetings. I would come here and read all the threads / post. Of course it was always under the influence of my addictions.

    I finally got the courage ( moment of clarity ) to log in. It was ether my second or third thread, a member here wrote back. And I quote: Timebuster-I am gonna give it to you straight, ok? New Jersey is not the reason you are relapsing, I sense a big part of the problem is the resistance (I am not hearin surrender). What a wake up call. When I log off of 12 Step National Meetings that day those words stuck in my mind. Surrender. I am not hearing surrender.

    Wow. Surrender. What a powerful word. That your addiction has won and the fight is over. To yield to a strong emotion, influence, or temptation. To declare to an opponent that he or she has won so that fighting or conflict can now cease. My addiction kick… my…ass…so…bad… it was time for me to say, ok, ok, I give up I surrender. After that life changing moment my stinking thinking took a 360 degree turn. I was going to go to any length to recover. I started going to two, three meetings a day. I got a referral to see a addition therapist. Reading recovery literature. Absorbing knowledge from were ever possible, including here at 12 Step National Meetings.

    I spent several months in the rooms looking for a sponsor. And then one day I remember when I was active and looking for help. I went to a addition counseling center in my neighborhood. I walk in asking for help. A counselor came and said hello. We went to his office. His first question was are you high right now I said yes. He said he wasn’t able to help me until I was completely off any mind altering substances. And I should try NA meetings and he gave me a business card of a house contractor. He said when your ready give him a call. He is a recovering addict who’s been in the rooms of NA for many years.

    I made that call and he has been my sponsor for three years. I am so grateful to have found this man. This man makes recovery so damn simple. I avoided many of my area convenient stores. At the end of my addition the choice between drinking and drugging or buying something to eat was simple. I buy the drink and drugs. Unfortunately I stole food from the convenient stores in my neighborhood to eat. I now live in a different neighborhood.

    I still had the guilt of my wrong doings and I avoided these stores like the plague. And to me this is not living in recovery. My sponsor suggested that I should go back to each store with a logical estimate how much I owed them. Shop, pay for it. Tell who ever is behind the counter that you are sorry and am here to make amends. Leave what you paid for on the counter take your receipt and walk out the store. I look at my sponsor like he was nuts. He look right back at me and said. I quote. When you relapse don’t come back crying to me. End quote.

    The guilt is gone. I actually miss going to those stores. Now I can drive by them and stop to buy a cup of coffee and say to my self. This is what recovery is all about. Thanks to the rooms of NA. My sponsor I love him. The support from 12 Step National Meetings and for letting me share my Experience, Strength and Hope. Am just an addict in recovery trying to do this one day at a time.

    Ivan

    #164544
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I have actually known people to be pretty asinine about this word “surrender”.

    To some it is a dirty word synonymous with failure but this is not necessarily the case when it applies to addiction.

    For me there is no failure in surrendering to a disease that had me beaten time and time again and I found that surrendering to the fact that I had failed as a drug user carries with it no shame. Indeed surrendering was the kindest thing I could do for myself.

    By surrendering I achieved victory over my addiction. It is an amazing paradox that I wish more addicts understood.

    #164547
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I never could understand the surrendering thing. I just quit doing dope. I just figured it was bad for me. I had to be simple about things…..being a simpleton and whatnot.

    #164551
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Windy, somehow I don’t think you’re a simpleton. You just play one on TV

    Surrender to me was when I knew that maybe, just maybe, I might get it this time. To me it was surrendering to my lack of free will when it came to using and realizing I couldn’t at all. It’s some of those other steps that are killers.

    #164548
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @ccgirl 1504816 wrote:

    Windy, somehow I don’t think you’re a simpleton. You just play one on TV

    Surrender to me was when I knew that maybe, just maybe, I might get it this time. To me it was surrendering to my lack of free will when it came to using and realizing I couldn’t at all. It’s some of those other steps that are killers.

    there you go again………completely over my head.

    keep in mind i have a brain the size of a chicken’s.

    #164546
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    windysan….

    Your nutty..

    But one funny guy.

    You crack me up.

    Ivan

    #164552
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Windy, did you know when you cut a chicken’s head off it can run for another minute? hmmmmm

    #164549
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Mom, cc is scaring me again.

    #164545
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    good topic tb. life for me became so much easier when i surrendered to and accepted the idea that i could no longer use drugs. the daily struggle to keep finding drugs was a mental and physical struggle and scoring is a hollow victory which only took me one step closer to destruction.
    I lost the battle to control my using and enjoy doing drugs. I surrender. By doing that my drug addiction will never be able to harm me again.

    #164550
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Timebuster 1503380 wrote:

    Surrender. What a powerful word. That your addiction has won and the fight is over.

    This is the first step in recovery. Essential to any kind of lasting sobriety in my opinion. And something that, for most of us, has to be done over and over again, to achieve and maintain any kind of quality in our lives anyway.

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